


It Should Have Been Me

by kyewopen



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Betrayal, Cheating, M/M, This Is Sad, josh is an idiot, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 08:02:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12008490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyewopen/pseuds/kyewopen
Summary: Josh is ruining his relationship with Tyler and he has to deal with the consequences.





	It Should Have Been Me

It was only one night. But it was enough to destroy everything.

 _I was drunk,_ you said. And you weren't lying. But what difference does it make? Do you think that's enough for him to forgive you? Do you think that's enough to make it all go away?

 _Of course not,_ you think. But that's the only thing that came to your mind to make it looks less serious. Along with _I'm sorry_. And you are. Of course you are. But it's too late now.

You lost him.

You lost the only thing that made sense to you.

 

'He still loves you, you know.'

 

That's your friend talking. He came at your place as soon as you finally told him what happened. But you're still angry at him for showing up. Cause you're the only one to blame. And you don't deserve comforting words. _He_ does.

 

'He did. Not anymore.' You answer.

 

Your friend is looking at you. He tells you to get up. He tells you to get up and go out so you can think about something else. But you can't. You already tried. But you just can't. The only thing you can see is the look on his face when you told him. The only thing you can see is the way he looked at you before telling you it was over.

That's the only thing you can think about.

 _You lost him_.

 

* * *

 

It's been three weeks now. Your friend moved into your apartment that you once shared with him. _I don't want to leave you alone like this_ , he said. He's always been a good friend. He wants to help, you know that. But you're still broken. The guilt still consumes you. Because you hurt him and now you can't do anything to erase the thing you've done.

You wish you could turn back time to delete this night.

But you can't. It's too late.

It's over.

You get up when you hear the doorbell rings and you open the door. It's _him_. He's still wearing one of your sweats.

 

'Hi. I... I just wanted to take my stuff.' He says with a sad smile.

 

You let him in, but you say nothing. What could you say? I'm sorry? He already knows that. But that doesn't mean he'll forgive you. You ask him if he wants something to drink but he says no, so you just help him put all these boxes in his car. He smiles and thanks you but you can see he's faking it. You can see he's tired. You can see he's still _hurt_. And it's all your fault.

 _It's all your fault_.

 

'It's all my fault.' You say before crying yourself to sleep.

 

* * *

 

You're both still in the band. He told you it didn't want it to stop after a while. He told you he wanted it to go on. And you said yes. Of course you did. Because you were afraid you had destroyed the band as well and that was the only thing that still made sense to you.

 _But I think I need a short break first,_ he said. So you told him to take all the time he needed. You wanted the best for him. You still want the best for him. You want to give him everything he needs but you're scared you can't do this anymore.

You're also afraid things will be different now with the band. Cause this immense complicity you once shared with him, you destroyed it too. Of course, you were close before you both decided to take your personal relationship to a new level, but you're scared you will never find it again. You're scared you also lost a best friend that night.

And you miss him. God you miss him so much. You miss kissing him. You miss holding his hand. You miss taking him in your arms while sleeping. You miss seeing him smile at you like you are the most important person in his whole world.

You're crying right now and you miss his voice so much you decide to call him. And he answers. Of course he answers. He's always been too good for you and you know it. You know it cause even after what you did to him, you can hear he's still concerned about you. He says your name and you burst into tears.

 

'I'm sorry. You say. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.'

 

He tells you to breathe and so you're trying. You're trying so hard but you can't. You just can't. Cause he was the best part of you and you lost him. You lost him and you'll never get him back.

 

'I miss you. I miss you so much.' You say before crying even harder. 'Can you... Can you come over?' You ask with a small voice.

'I can't.' He says.

'Why?'

'You know why.'

 

And so you close your eyes. You close your eyes and you listen to his voice telling you to breathe, telling you that you're safe and that it will be okay.

But it won't.

 

'I'm so sorry.' You say again.

'I know you are.'

 

* * *

 

You're on tour now. Things were awkward between you two at first cause you both didn't know how to act with each other. And it's normal, you just spent four years together, you both needed time to adapt.

Then time passed and you're happy to be able to call him your best friend again. You still love him, though, of course you do. And sometimes, you're thinking that maybe he still feels the same. Sometimes, you're thinking that maybe he will give you a second chance.

But then he meets her.

And you want to hate her. You want to hate her so bad but you can't. Cause you see how his eyes light up when he sees her. You see how he smiles when he's around her. You see how he looks at her. You know all of this cause he used to act the same way around you.

_'I think I'm in love with her'_

Of course you are, you think. So you smile and tell him you're happy for him, but you're not.

How could you be?

Then you see them together and you want to scream. You want to run away and never look back so you don't have to see them kissing each other anymore. So you don't have to see them holding hands. You want to tell him you're still in love with him after all this time.

But you don't.

You just smile at them instead and cry when you're all alone and when you think he's not looking.

 

* * *

 

He proposed to her.

She said yes. Of course she did.

You want to be happy for them but you still can't. You want to hate her even harder but you don't. Cause she's great and you know it. Cause you know she will never betray his trust like you did. Cause you know she loves him with all her heart.

She even knows what happened between the two of you and she's okay with this. She doesn't even judge you. Sometimes you think she knows you still love him.

She likes you and she knows you're the most important person to him. After her, of course. And you like her too.

But right now, you're looking at him as he watches her walking towards him in this church and you're having a hard time not to cry. Because he's more beautiful than ever and you don't think you've seen him as happy as he seems to be right now.

But you're not the one that makes him happy. She is. And you can't stop thinking about the fact that it could have been you waiting for him in front of this altar.

It could have been you.

 

 _It should have been me_ , you think as you watch them kiss.

 

But it's not you. It's her. It will always be her.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I think I have a weakness for sad stories.


End file.
